Toss Your Planner & Live In The Moment
Life is knocking us hard on our collective asses these days. When these shock-to-the-system events occur, certain things become very clear. Truths are revealed, in no uncertain terms. Here’s one that’s come up for me recently:
We live as though we know the future, but we don’t. And we never did.
Many people (myself included) have been dismayed by COVID-19's disruption to their plans. “What will happen to my business/family/travels/life??” we cry. “I have no idea what my future looks like now!”
In point of fact, we never know what our future looks like. We think we do, we hope we do, we pretend we do, and our speculations are sometimes fortified (or constrained) by routines and institutions, those pillars of false security. But this is life, folks. Life is unpredictable. Life is wild. Life does what the hell it wants, and often times we’re just along for the ride.
When you shed the delusions of knowing and control, it becomes apparent that the only real choice we have is in how we navigate life, this thing that is so much bigger than we are. The only true pillars of security are what we know of ourselves and how we dance with what comes our way.
This perspective flies in the face of American culture. We are a where-there’s-a-will-there’s-a-way bunch. Nothing’s real until it’s in Google Calendar. I know — I’m a planner myself. But even before the pandemic hit, I recognized this as a source of extreme stress and inefficiency. I front-load like crazy: expend all my effort in the beginning so things go smoothly. Attached sky-high expectations based on all the effort I put in, all the meticulous strategizing. Then when things go awry (i.e. not how I’d foreseen), I seize up. I tantrum. I’m spent in disappointment and frustration. Like spending days meticulously setting up a domino labyrinth, only to have the dog amble through just before you flick the first one.
This reactivity incapacitates me, leaving me unable to respond fluidly and effectively to what is present. I burn energy futilely resisting something that has already happened, something beyond my control. Whereas if I do my best planning but keep my energy focused on being present and adapting to what comes, I’m open. I’m limber. I’m not tensed and hunkered down, like a bull about to charge.
Lightening up on the fortune-telling and planning has another side effect: connecting with the essential nature of life, which is fluid, changeable, spontaneous. My personal experience is that I feel most alive when I’m engaging fully in the moment as it comes. My fondest memories, the ones infused with vitality, euphoric passion and playfulness, are rooted in spontaneity. A whimsical trip. A chance encounter. An unexpected invitation.
This is not to say that we should just throw out our calendars and spreadsheets and live a life of whimsy. But when we weigh so heavily on our plans and suppositions, we’re placing our energy predominantly in the future, which does not actually exist. We just live as though it does. It is speculation, hypothesis, imagination. These are useful to be sure, but they cease to be useful when we mistake them for reality. We cling rigidly to a false sense of certainty in place of being adaptable, resilient and creative.
Making this shift is easier said than done, for sure. But well worth the effort, especially in situations that bring us to our knees. Like a global pandemic, for instance. Or death. Or giving birth. Or natural disasters. These are largely born of happenstance, or fate, depending on your belief. Either way, they don’t hinge on our will. We can mediate them to an extent, but that’s about it. Embracing and moving with this truth offers much relief and invites aliveness back into our lives.
Back to the pandemic: the situation is rapidly evolving. We didn’t know last week what would happen this week. We don’t know what next week will bring. The best we can do is take the information we have and use our best judgment. We can extrapolate out into the weeks and months ahead, but in my opinion that is a waste of energy. Things can, and likely will, change beyond what we hypothesize.
Do some planning based on your best guess, but try to keep most of your energy in the present, where it serves you best. Where life actually takes place. Practice mindfulness. Get in touch with what you have control over and what you don’t. Embrace it. Use your power to its fullest effect where you can, and give yourself the peace of surrender where you can’t. Which reminds me of something:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
(The Serenity Prayer)
